CATEGORY 6

It's all about . . . The U!!!

Tag Archives: University of Miami

Breaking: Mizzou’s starting 5 suspended from 1st NCAA game; Haith pissed

Category 6 breaks this incredible story. It appears that University of Missouri starters Kim English, Marcus Denmon, Ricardo Ratliff, Matt Pressey, and Phil Pressey were all found to have received benefits from assistants on former coach Mike Anderson’s staff.

Coach Frank Haith came out immediately against the 1-game ban and called it “completely unfair” and a “travesty” as he had nothing to do with the sins of the former coach. He lambasted the NCAA’s tradition of not holding coaches accountable for violations and instead punishing the players, the fans and the University of Missouri while running to another job free and clear.

Coach Haith was furious at the NCAA for depriving his team of a chance . . .

Kim English, Mizzou’s leading scorer spoke out against the ruling, stating that he had no idea that his parents received a Ferrari and a small subsistence farm complete with 2 goats, a cow and a bunch of chickens.

“This is really unfair,” said English. “Why am I being punished for something I knew nothing about?”

Marcus Denmon was equally upset and pleaded with the NCAA to review their decision. He noted that his family was assured by a former Missouri coach that taking flights on private Gulfstream jets to away games was perfectly within the rules.

“This guy, what a charlatan,” Denmon said about the unnamed assistant, “he told my family it was kosher, but clearly it wasn’t.”

Ricardo Ratliff, one of Missouri’s big men, was despondent after finding out that the piggyback ride a former coach gave him not only ruptured 2 discs in the coach’s back, but a 1-game ban for the first game in the NCAA Tournament.

Ricardo Ratliff looks like he could use a piggyback ride after learning of his NCAA Tournament suspension.

“I can’t believe it,” Ratliff complained. “He assured me that a piggyback ride didn’t violate any rules. I can’t believe a coach would leave and throw us to the wolves. Only a real selfish kind of person with the character of a radioactive slug would do something like this.”

 

 

 

The Pressey brothers were discovered to be fraternal and conjoined twins after a special NCAA investigation and the NCAA came down on them like a hammer on a molten strip of metal. Phil Pressey was immediately reclassified as a senior. It appears that Missourri illegally provided the operation to separate them while the brothers were in high school because they lacked health insurance.

“You don’t know how hard it was,” Phil Pressey said through teary eyes. “Prom was especially tough because Matt was always better with the ladies.”

“He’s right,” added Matt Pressey. “He didn’t have a chance until we were separated.”

After consoling his players, Haith went to the podium to make his case.

“The NCAA has gone too far this time,” said Haith. “When will this organization [the NCAA] get it’s act together? Don’t they realize that hard-working coaches like me play by the rules and don’t deserve to be punished for the violations committed by previous administrations? What kind of lesson are we teaching our kids? Why were Cam Newton and Terelle Prior cleared to play in bowl games and then go pro and avoid suspension and my guys aren’t? Why aren’t their former coaches being punished? The media really needs to ask these questions. They need to ask why the former staff is allowed to gallop into the sunset while we bear the punishment.”

"I'm melting! I'm melting! What a world! What a world!"

 

After his rant was over a salt truck crashed into the conference room and everyone was covered in NaCl. There was some nervous laughter from the press, and when the dust settled, it was found that Coach Haith had dissolved.

The NCAA was then injected with sodium pentothal (truth serum) and mistakenly released this statement:

 

 

 

 

“The NCAA doesn’t care about its fans, players, or even the universities. Our chief goal is to make money off of amateur sports. It doesn’t bother us at all that we hold an 18-27 (if you’re Bernard James) year-old to much higher standards than highly compensated grown men and women with a lifetime of experience and a get-out-of-trouble-free-card. It doesn’t bother us that we could come up with some kind of stipend program to supplement the athletes who make vast piles of money for us and still make vast sums of money, even as we know athletics can be a full time job in terms of time put in. We just don’t care.”

Note: This is complete snark and we are not seriously implying that any of the stuff above is real. If it offended Coach Anderson, the players on Missouri, the University of Missouri and their fans, we apologize, as that was not the intent (as we’re sure you figured out). NCAA hypocrisy is difficult to withstand sometimes.

To the entire state of Missouri and its worldwide network of fans: as the “show me” state, Miami Hurricanes fans everywhere assure you that Coach Haith will eventually “show you”.

To ‘Canes fans: think about this – if Haith gets suspended, Mizzou might actually win it all. Such a quandry.

‘Canes overcome injury, chop down Wake Forest 74-56

Coming off two tough close losses to some of the ACC’s best, Miami’s MASH unit looked to get back in the win column. Despite taking a nasty tumble at the end of the UNC game and injuring his knee, Miami’s hard-nosed junior guard Durand Scott (18pts, 7reb, 3ast, 3stl) demonstrated Wolverine-like recuperative powers as he was all over the court and had plenty of lift when finishing at the rim.

Reggie Johnson (6pts, 8reb, 2ast, 1stl, 1blk) and Garrius Adams (6pts, 2reb, 1ast) – the other walking wounded for the ‘Canes – both contributed. Johnson struggled to get into rhythm the 1st half but was effective on the boards and served as a facilitator as the ‘Canes racked-up open trifecta attempts against the quickly-collapsing Wake zone. The action was the first for Adams since he suffered a torn meniscus several weeks ago. Having Adams back does a world for the ‘Canes versatility as Adams has a wide-range of skills – including hitting the 3.

Kenny Kadji (18pts, 5reb, 1blk) was a difficult match-up for Wake. The highly-skilled face-up PF demonstrated his entire arsenal. Rion Brown (11pts, 6reb, 3ast, 1stl) continued his high-flying antics and seems to improve every time out. Brown again had the play of the game in taking a perfectly thrown lob by Kadji that he caught way above the rim and put down over a Wake Forest defender. Category 6 spoke with Brown just yesterday. If you haven’t seen the clip, watch below. Warning – the audio was less than stellar so be sure to bring patient ears.

Rion Brown (15) goes way up to grab the Kadji lob and finishes with authority.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Malcolm Grant (9pts, 3reb, 6ast) hit some early 3′s and found his teammates with crisp passes. The trio of Trey McKinney Jones, Shane Larkin and DeQuan Jones didn’t score much, but their defense and patience offensively allowed the ‘Canes to find vulnerable chunks of the Wake zone to exploit.

The path the game took was very congruent to the preview Category 6′s own Jerry put together. Wake was able to hold it close by halftime but it was all UM in the 2nd frame. Wake Forest was hot in the 1st half, but their magic pixie dust ran out against a much bigger team in the Hurricanes. Miami smelled blood and nailed shot after shot, ultimately building an insurmountable lead.

Player of the Game: Durand Scott. It was a difficult choice between Scott and Kadji, but Scott was listed as “questionable” and seemed to shrug off an ugly looking knee injury in the waning moments of the UNC game to come back and decimate Wake Forest. Another thing . . . the term “warrior” in sports tends to get thrown around carelessly at times. Make no bones about it: Durand Scott is a “warrior”.

Durand Scott (1) helped the 'Canes trounce Wake Forest.

Offensive Player of the Game: We’ll go with Kadji here. Both Scott and Kadji finished with 18pts and were incredibly efficient.

Defensive Player of the Game: Team effort, but the nod goes to the omnipresent Scott.

Next Game: Wednesday, Feb. 21st @ Maryland. 8PM tip-off. In order for Miami to further their push for an NCAA bid, the ‘Canes will have to go into Maryland and defeat the Terps. These two teams met in Coral Gables earlier in the season and the ‘Canes won a thrilling 2OT contest. In that game the ‘Canes were without Kadji’s services. In this game K2 will be on the floor and will be a factor in the outcome.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons
STARTERS FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
C.J. Harris, G 5-13 2-5 2-2 1 3 5 2 0 1 1 14
Chase Fischer, G 5-9 2-4 0-0 1 4 3 2 0 0 0 12
Travis McKie, F 3-8 1-3 3-5 0 6 1 1 0 3 2 10
Tony Chennault, G 1-3 1-3 2-2 0 0 3 1 0 3 5 5
Nikita Mescheriakov, F 2-4 0-2 0-0 0 2 0 0 0 2 2 4
BENCH FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
Carson Desrosiers, C 3-9 1-4 0-0 1 2 0 0 1 1 2 7
Ty Walker, C 1-2 0-0 0-0 1 4 0 0 2 1 0 2
Daniel Green, F 0-0 0-0 2-2 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 2
Ryan Keenan, F 0-0 0-0 0-0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
20-48 7-21 9-11 4 23 12 7 3 12 12 56
41.7% 33.3% 81.8%
Miami (FL) Hurricanes
STARTERS FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
Kenny Kadji, F-C 8-12 2-2 0-1 3 5 0 0 1 1 1 18
Durand Scott, G 7-11 2-3 2-2 3 7 3 3 0 0 0 18
Malcolm Grant, G 3-11 3-10 0-0 1 3 6 0 0 3 0 9
Reggie Johnson, C 3-7 0-0 0-0 1 8 2 1 1 1 3 6
Shane Larkin, G 1-5 1-5 0-0 1 2 3 0 0 2 2 3
BENCH FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
Rion Brown, G 5-9 1-3 0-0 2 6 3 1 0 0 2 11
Garrius Adams, G 2-5 2-4 0-0 0 2 1 0 0 0 0 6
Trey McKinney Jones, G 1-3 1-3 0-0 2 3 1 0 0 1 2 3
DeQuan Jones, G-F 0-1 0-0 0-0 0 1 0 0 1 1 0 0
Erik Swoope, F 0-0 0-0 0-0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 0
Justin Heller, G 0-1 0-0 0-0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OFF REB AST STL BLK TO PF PTS
30-65 12-30 2-3 13 37 19 5 3 10 11 74
46.2% 40.0% 66.7%

ESPN’s Doug Gottlieb is laughing at ‘Canes fans

Dear ‘Canes Fam,

ESPN’s Doug Gottlieb is laughing. Why? He’s laughing because he figures that the BUC will be half-empty when UNC comes to town this Wednesday. He’s laughing because he thinks the sound of crickets will accompany ‘Canes baskets. He’s laughing because that’s what someone does when faced with such an absurd situation as an unfilled BUC during an incredible first year of the Jim Larranaga era. He’s laughing because he doesn’t believe South Florida deserves to have the University of Miami or the ACC Conference. He’s laughing because sometimes it just doesn’t seem like it’s all about “The U” to outside observers. He’s laughing because the BUC was half-empty for VT coming off the historic win at Duke. He’s laughing because South Florida fans in general have been stereotyped as some of the worst fans in the country.

Doug Gottlieb is still laughing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ESPN’s Doug Gottlieb is laughing at you.

My first reaction to this was to be pissed off at Mr. Gottlieb. Nobody likes to be laughed at, especially on television. To be honest, I don’t even know who Doug Gottlieb is or what he does at ESPN, but I’m guessing he’s involved with college basketball analysis for the titanic sports network. I’ve heard his name before but I’ve resisted looking him up now because it really doesn’t matter. But why should I be pissed off at Mr. Gottlieb? If I was a fan of another ACC team besides Miami I’d be laughing too.

I would laugh at ‘Canes fans because the basketball team has a sweet on-campus arena, is damn good, has a great coach, and if the season ended today, makes the NCAA Tournament. Doug Gottlieb knows these things and it makes him laugh with greater fervor. The problem is that the season does not end today and there are 4 more home games. This means 4 more opportunities for Mr. Gottlieb to laugh at the University of Miami. And when Mr. Gottlieb laughs, the whole world laughs with him.

(note: this clip is not meant to imply that Mr. Gottlieb is a baby; it’s just good laughter and if you can watch it through without laughing even once it would be an accomplishment)

He is laughing because the modestly-sized BUC should be filled. He’s laughing at the lack of passion he believes we have for big time college basketball – and let’s get it straight – the ‘Canes play big time college basketball. He is laughing because he knows how important it is to the team and the program to be supported by the fans. 6 games left. The ‘Canes will battle on the road, but we have to defeat the laughing Mr. Gottlieb at home. We have to make it so that every time Tyler Zeller, Harrison Barnes, or John Henson touches the ball, their brains fill with the collective noise of 8,000 ‘Canes fans or just laughter.

All the past history, the ‘swagger’, and the championships . . . Those are gone. Great memories – sure – but it’s historical data. Gone with the wind. Somewhere over the rainbow. Like that last scene in Aliens when Ripley blows the queen out of the airlock or in Die Hard when Bruce Willis shoots his arch-nemesis played perfectly by Alan Rickman in the forehead and calmly says “Happy trails, Hans”. It’s time to make new memories in basketball and football. New coaches, new regimes and new optimism. Did Hollywood stop making movies after some of the genre-specific classics referenced above?

‘Canes fam . . . this is a call to action; a call for self-respect. This is a call to step up and support the orange, green and white. 4 home games left. 4 opportunities to stop Doug Gottlieb from laughing. To stop comments like this one from ESPN’s Andy Katz from ever seeing the light of day: “The onus is on the Miami fans to turn out. They traditionally are apathetic. Miami needs them to be an extra presence for this upset to occur.”

-Disclaimer: Doug Gottlieb was not harmed in the creation of this post. If your name is Doug Gottlieb and you do not work for ESPN, we apologize for attributing laughter to you. If you pass Doug Gottlieb in an airport or at a restaurant, do not seek confrontation with Doug Gottlieb or you may cause him to laugh at you. All rules that apply to Happy Fun Ball also apply to interactions with Doug Gottlieb.

DeQuan Jones return a Slam Dunk for UM!

DeQuan Jones received approval Tuesday to return to competition

Dequan Jones and Miami are all smiles now that he has been cleared,

immediately, after school officials consulted with the NCAA.

 

“This is about DeQuan getting back on the court and his reputation being rehabilitated by the truth,” said attorney Jason Setchen, who was retained by Jones’ family to appeal the case. “Our position from day one has been that DeQuan and his family have done nothing wrong. I requested that if there was any proof, I would like to see it. It was my understanding at that time that there wasn’t any. And we requested that his matter be re-evaluated.”

 

The 6’7 Jones, who has missed UM’s first ten games, averaged 4.5 points and 2.5 rebounds last year as a part time starter. He was implicated in the Nevin Shapiro scandal, allegedly Shapiro had provided $10,000 to coaches to secure his commitment. As a result the team announced he would sit out the season just before the season started.

 

What it means:  DQJ has not yet lived up to gaudy expectations as a ‘Cane in

Expect Dequan Jones to pay immediate dividends for the 'Canes.

his first three years. He has on occasion showed unlimited potential. Many fans feel Coach Larranaga’s system is ideal for his talents. Certainly he gives the ‘Canes additional much-needed front-court depth. With the return of Reggie Johnson already giving them a boost, expect Miami to look like a completely different team for the remaining 19 games.

 

On a much larger scale this is HUGE news for the University. First, the basketball program would appear to be completely out of the woods, as I don’t think UM officials would allow Jones’ return unless they were 100% sure the allegations were false. Additionally this may foreshadow more of Shapiro’s claims being debunked.

 
Here’s a brief reminder of what DQJ can do.

Jimmy Graham: from Power Forward to Pro-Bowler!

Through 13 games this year, Graham has 80 catches 1101 yards and 8 touchdowns.

In 152 of 153 weeks a Miami Hurricane has scored a touchdown in the NFL, including the remarkable recently broken streak of 149 in a row. Superstars like Clinton Portis, Andre Johnson, Ed Reed, and Devin Hester highlight the list. UM is after all “NFL U”.  But in 2011 one ‘Cane has shined the brightest. Jimmy Graham is the best tight end in the NFL right now.

 

 

Back in 2007-08 UM’s hoops team was a scrappy bunch. Jack McClinton was the unquestioned star. Anthony King provided the inside punch, James Dews was

Sometimes a scream says 10,000 words.

McClinton’s sweet-shooting side kick, and Dwayne Collins was king of the thunderous dunk. They ended up being the last Miami team to make the NCAA Tournament, bowing out to a tough Texas team in the second round. Perhaps the least skilled but most fiery member of that team was a 6’8 250 hulk of a power forward named Jimmy Graham. He only averaged 4 points a game and 6 rebounds and was ALWAYS in foul trouble. When the guards dumped the ball down to him in the low post, my usual reaction was “no. no. no!”  But the kid played with heart. He set bone crushing screens, played great D when he wasn’t fouling, and quite frankly his primal screams after big dunks seemed to scare the other team and fire up the ‘Canes.

 

Below are some of the team’s highlights. Graham stars with a big block at 2:24, an incredible in-bounds save at 4:21, 7:03-7:13 well that speaks for itself, and 8:51-8:55 are exclamation points!

 

I can remember when I first heard that Jimmy Graham was going out for UM’s football team. I thought it might be a cool way for the basketball team to get some much deserved publicity, but thought little else of it. He scored a few touchdowns and looked real good at times, but I mostly remember his heart breaking drops in the Virginia Tech game. As a diehard basketball junkie, I rooted harder for him then anyone. He finished his lone year on the college gridiron with 17 catches 213 yards and 5 touchdowns. Not bad considering it was his first football action since 8th grade.  

 

Did I think Graham was on his way to NFL stardom? I absolutely did not. Do I think it is the coolest thing ever? That’d be an understatement. So while the University of Miami is and always will be unequivocally a football school, I encourage fans to take a closer look at the basketball program. You just might see Drew Brees’ future favorite target,  or something else really cool.

 

Some of Graham’s best on the football field: